


Multitudo

by itsyu



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Gen, Insanity
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-31
Updated: 2016-05-31
Packaged: 2018-07-11 07:48:55
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 817
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7039180
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/itsyu/pseuds/itsyu
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>People say your conscience is the little voice that tells you what is right. Loki thinks it is strange that they speak as if it is only one, and it takes him far too long to realize it’s not meant literally.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Multitudo

Loki is accustomed to having voices in his head.

As a child, he does not think this strange. People say your conscience is the little voice that tells you what is right. He thinks it is strange that they speak as if it is only one, and it takes him far too long to realize it’s not meant literally.

When he does, he seeks out the court's head sorcerer for guidance. The man is rude, telling to stop making tales to appear special. A wicked child such as _him_ would never be blessed with such a gift.

The voices tell him the man is envious of him - he knows Loki is special and will grow only more powerful with age and take his place even before he is grown to adulthood.

He is young, but he is already mistrusted by most of the court. They whisper he knows things that he should not, speaks things no child should. He doesn't tell anyone else.

He tries to ignore the voices, but when they silence, he is alone. Thor and him are already growing into very different persons, and his brothers is filled with friends, while too many at once tend to overwhelm Loki. He prefers libraries. And he has already been admonished that it is unseemly for a boy his age to live at his mother's skirts. When he calls back to them, the voices greet him with words of love.

They guide him and teach him, and when he is 700, barely out of childhood, still gangly and quick tempered, he is given the title of court sorcerer. The old man sputters and accuses Loki of being a cursed child, insane, in league with dark powers. The voices rejoice when he is thrown in jail for trying to poison the young prince. He tells no one the voices warned him not to accept the wine – they also told him to warn no one, and three people had died.

The whispers of the court increase, but Loki doesn't hear them, he doesn't need them.

His mother looks at him with eyes filled with concern. Most do not notice, cannot notice, but her child’s magic, once golden and spring green, darkens and becomes malicious, biting, as he buries himself deeper and deeper into old tomes and his own head. She loves him, however, and tells herself she is imagining things, he is only becoming a strong man, a warrior as Asgard demands.

The whispers become quieter and more afraid. The trickster prince’s pranks become increasingly less joyful, replacing amusement with embarrassment and then anger and hurt.  Loki scoffs at their lack of sportsmanship. The voices told him it was all in good fun.

Not many can look Loki in the deranged eyes. The voices tell him this is respect.

The only exception is Thor. Thor doesn't notice anything wrong with his brother, and, indeed, Loki's smile is truly bright in his presence, his eyes unclouded, softer. The voices fade when Thor is around. Loki has noticed for a while, but he doesn't mind much, as he isn't alone when his brother is there.

Eventually, he notices the adoration his brother receives and he does not. Notices how Thor, naively, belittles Loki's magic. Notices how Thor's friends don't like him and poison his brother's ears against him.

He is not his brother, the voices say, and there is something prophetic there he can't quite grasp, he is your competition.

Now, when he is around Thor, the voices scream.

The plan to storm Jotunheim is presented to him fully formed, which is unusual, and he is hesitant. He eventually concedes, but can't help to leave a warning, half hoping to be foiled, to the voices’ anger.

When he confronts Odin, the sound is deafening, and he feels his anger grow until he might explode from it, and something inside him, something that has been becoming more and more worn with each passing spring, finally snaps.

When he falls into the void, the only thing that stays the complete shattering of his mind are the voices, with promises of a strange future and a great master that he doesn't quite understand. His mind doesn't shatter, but the void takes purchase in the cracks, widening them, and he welcomes the unfocused clarity of insanity.

Then Thanos rescues – traps – him and the voices exult their master, and Loki is betrayed, but there is no time for his feeling, for a stronger, an'Other voice is there, and it overshadows all others at the same time they join him in chorus, and the instructions are clear, and this is natural, this is what his whole life converged to.

He is taken to Asgard and they throw him in a cell and tell him he will be alone forever. He laughs, a high maniacal laugh, because he is never truly alone. He can't make them stop, anymore.


End file.
